Neglected Blog...

Its been a while, I've been caught up in the new project, and learning unreal. Unreal is so simple I think we should've chosen tech leads according to 3D skill and reliability rather than engine experience. Any half decent moddler can pick it up. I know most of the basics now, but have decided to leave it for now, for fear of neglecting my own tasks.

I also now think the role of 3D lead and tech lead should just be the same person.

But its all done now, and we just have to get on with it.

So..... the Blog task for this term is 'grading' and 'goodness makes it good'

My first thought is how the hell are we going to be graded for this project? I don't know how i would do it. But, it would be nice if each student has some kind of documentation with all there contributions and thoughts on it. I'm going to make something like that.

Also, how much does grading really matter? It makes you feel good, but it wont really get you a job. If you work to get a high standard portfolio, you will get a job, and your grades will most likely be 'good' as a result of your efforts to improve your portfolio.

How much does getting a job matter? I don't care about the money, I want a job in the industry because i enjoy modeling. I can't see myself being happy in any other career. So, I guess its very important to me. But then again, I'll always be able to model, even if I don't work in the industry, so maybe its not that important after all. Money is an added bonus.

Goodness. I saw few examples of Goodness in the 3D work this term. People need to start looking at industry work and realize how far away they are from it.

Badness. 2D, my 2D work is so inferior its pulling me back. Its also being killed slowly. There was Goodness, until people started killing it.

I am in a bad mood atm, but I think it's helping me write what I really think instead of airy-fairying around the point.

...

I started a couple of personal projects today. One i hope to get done within the week, and the other is more of an on going 2d art project. Its linked in with one of my characters from last term. Hopefully i can do a bit of writing too. I will post more about these projects tomorrow, when i actually have some images to put up!

So, we have had our presentations, and now would be a good time to begin the new blog tasks, but I'm so tired. I have fretted far to much today, so i will save the analysis for tomorrow.

I thought i would post up my organic character in case anyone was interested in the story. Its a brief summery, and i would love to write more. I'm basing my personal project around this somewhat...

Another nightmare, about the Hare with the skull on its head. She intrinsically knew what it meant. It had been the same for generations. She was only a year old, but the memories passed down to her meant she knew her own fate, even though she was so young.
Her totem was the Hare, a cursed totem. When her totem ceremony arrived, this would be declared, and she would be killed. For the good of her clan. If they aloud her to live, it would bring them severe bad luck.
Since she was born, every other new child had been stillborn. The Hare totem was jealous, and would stop any new life coming to the clan. As long as the Hare totem remained the clan was destined to die out.
The Hare totem wears the skull of a child on its head, to symbolize the death it brings.

Dilemmas of sorts...

After the speed paint last night, and thoughts about my old work. I had a bizarre dream that my favorite canvas go smashed by some drunk idiot who came to our house for a party or something. So I brought it into my bedroom this morning, as its been tucked away in the spare room since we moved in. I got out some other work too, and spread it about the room.

I realized that i haven't done a painting in about 2 and a half years. It used to be a big part of my life. When i went into foundation art, i stopped producing art. So progressing down an artistic path, killed art for me. I hated that course.

The work i was producing a few years ago was the good stuff. I don't really mind what other peoples opinions are of it, because its mine. I want that back, hopefully scattering it all over the place will help me get it back.

In other news, I have managed to overwrite all the work I did yesterday. ALL of it. Its Friday night, presentations are on Monday. Its now impossible for me to do everything i wanted to do, so its sacrifice time.

Although I do see the value of cross-sensory thinking for Creativity. I wouldn't take this quiz too seriously........ not just because my score wasn't great :P

57%

Find a Sonography school near you

Me...continued...

This is my speed paint for today, it is a Sea Rabbit hatching out of a mussel. The word was Muscle, but i painted whatever i wanted :P it took about 35mins. I learnt a ton from this one speed paint, some of it was purely accidental. I stumbled across a way to create that shiny colouryness on the mussels. I forced myself into thinking more about composition, I think this often brings my speedpaints down a notch, i think it came out fairly nice this time.

I want to write a bit more about creativity, continuing from my most recent blogs.

I feel as if there is a heavy 'brag' culture. This really irritates me. I hate it when people think they are better than other people. This is one reason why i may have got so worked up over grades. I try to do well, because i want to avoid the bragging of others. Bragging is happening constantly, about significant and petty things. Its pressurizing and generally not very nice. It's a horrible characteristic.

This also made me think about Grading in general as being a horrible thing. From a young age being graded for your ability. If you do well, your under pressure to continue to do so. If you do badly, you under pressure to get better, you feel like a failure, you may get partly ignored by a teacher who has already chosen her favorites. Its a terrible system, growing up with this constant judgment.

All I can do is try hard not to make people feel this pressure. By looking at peoples work fairly, but also being positive. Too often i see negative responses to peoples work, when they actually deserve to be told they are doing a good job, and that they have come a long way.

Everyone in our class has different abilities. And by the standards of the Games industry we are all at different levels. But, everyone whose work i have seen has come a long way. And everyone deserves to be commended for that.

I can't be dealing with being so judgmental. I feel sorry for the people who have to judge us, because it seems almost an impossible task.

I don't want to feel the pressure I've felt all through my education anymore, I don't want to make other people feel that way either. I just want to do what makes me happy, and this is it, it just works better with friends and not judges.

Me and Creativity...its never over...

I caught a bit of a film yesterday lunchtime. I don't remember the name, but it was about a little girl with a rubbish family who meets an old lady. The old lady new tons of stuff. She said to the girl that...

...you should listen to what people tell you, but think for yourself and make your own decisions. Then if you get in a mess it's your mess...

...I think this is sort of relevant to what I was talking about last night. Maybe I concern myself to much with what is wanted of me, rather than thinking about what I want to do. I guess its not really that important if i get a 'good grade' for it. Its better that i spend a few years enjoying myself and improving at the same time, than spending this time constantly fretting about not being good enough.

I forget my own philosophies some times, and i have quite a few. I should start being more selfish with my art, then i might enjoy it allot more.

Back in Routine...

I haven't posted much work recently, so i will start a fresh from today.
The word for the speed paint was Hat! chosen by me :)

I've started editing my Self portrait, I added glasses and I'm going to do my hair down this time. I'm aiming to finish the mesh and uv adaptations tomorrow. Should be pretty easy to texture. I have new fringe colour, so it needed updating anyway.


I have a new sketchbook for the new term, and got some sketching done at the Queens building, and quite a few photos.

I'm excited about the groups tomorrow, and slightly nervous. I can't wait to get into some new stuff now, as much as I enjoyed the self portrait. I started doing a new iteration of my dog too! it will be fun, if i get time to finish it :)

Me and Creativity... its not over...

As the end of the term draws to a close, its time for me to think about me a bit more. The ultimate goal of the 'creativity' topic i believe, it to come to a greater understanding of what it is and where your creative strengths are. Which is a very hard thing to do.

Creativity is a very Subjective thing, In one persons opinion i may be very creative, in another persons i may not be. I guess I will have to write about my own opinion of myself, which is very hard to do.

I would consider myself to be a pretty creative thinker. I like this one, because this isn't blowing my own trumpet. Thinking allot can be a good thing, but it can be a very bad thing too.

I believe I am a creative thinker because of the way I love solving puzzles, and can sit and think for a fairly long time without getting bored. I philosophize allot, and find my thinking too much means I'm rarely satisfied.

I am not trying to say anything about intelligence here, as I could spend a while trying to define intelligence. The fact that I think deeply about things doesn't make me 'clever'. It can result in some ridiculous and bizarre outcomes, that really don't seem intelligent at all. But they can be pretty creative.

I had a plan for what I wanted to Blog about, it was writing itself this morning/afternoon. As time went by the writing in my head had morphed so much that it almost seemed futile to write it. I find this happens allot when I try to produce Art, I think to much about its purpose and meaning, I get lost in it, in a way.

I'm going to venture back anyway, and work out what my thoughts actually are...

I don't like to whinge, I sometimes notice myself doing it and stop, or maybe do it in jest. So I'm trying really hard not to whinge right now, and say purely what I've been thinking today.

I showed my work today, a final checkup before presentations. I asked a question before Christmas. Which was weather I could bump up my Art grade if i worked really hard over the holiday, the answer was that it was extremely unlikely. Which annoyed my allot at the time, It could be quite a work deterrent. Sort of as if i wouldn't be recognized no matter how much I did. I continued to work as normal regardless. Got a fair bit more work done, asked the same question, with one week left to spare. Again the answer was that it was unlikely. With a month since the first time I asked. There was nothing I could do.

Now I feel as if I should just abandon all the Art as it is, and just work on my 3D.

I know its not all about grades. But, the project has been about development, research and learning. It was made clear at the start that it wasn't just about having a good final piece. I know how irritated I will get on Monday when my grade remains the same, when maybe someone who has good work, but in my opinion hasn't really developed or improved allot in the last term gets a better grade. But it's not my opinion that matters, and I don't know everything about my other classmates work, so I can't really judge.

I don't think everyone will ever be satisfied when grades are given for artistic works.

This lead me to thinking about myself a bit more, trying not to concern myself with other peoples work, that's unimportant, its my work that matters to me at the moment.

So personally, I am trying to discover the flaws in my work, that mean I cant get a better grade. My first conclusion was that maybe its about natural talent. No matter how hard I try, I may never be able to get the best grade because I'm just 'not good enough' . But as we know, perseverance and hard work will bring results to anyone. So maybe it is just my current standard of work. But if the focus of the project was research and development, and I did those things. Unless I didn't do enough, but that would mean a month of hard work could bring a possibility of more recognition.

I'm not too sure what I'm trying to get at, or why I'm blogging about it either...

It's to do with creativity though. I think maybe being recognized is a part of that. Working hard on pages of work, to have them flicked past can be quite down heartening. I guess with some things, that feeling of doing well can keep you going. A slippery slope of creativity, because you know it is working.

This isn't really about grades now, its about the person who is looking at and judging my work believes that I cant do better. Even if I do, they will not recognize me for it. Maybe that makes me lose creativity points for needing the approval of someone else to keep it going. But, I guess in the industry, our work will be solely about achieving approval.

I have no intentions of being rude or nasty with what i have said. Its is more of a personal thing, than a problem i have with other people.

There is a high possibility i will read this later and write another Blog with a completely different opinion. But I'm going to post it now before my mind starts to change.