Toxic Jam

Me and Creativity... its not over...

As the end of the term draws to a close, its time for me to think about me a bit more. The ultimate goal of the 'creativity' topic i believe, it to come to a greater understanding of what it is and where your creative strengths are. Which is a very hard thing to do.

Creativity is a very Subjective thing, In one persons opinion i may be very creative, in another persons i may not be. I guess I will have to write about my own opinion of myself, which is very hard to do.

I would consider myself to be a pretty creative thinker. I like this one, because this isn't blowing my own trumpet. Thinking allot can be a good thing, but it can be a very bad thing too.

I believe I am a creative thinker because of the way I love solving puzzles, and can sit and think for a fairly long time without getting bored. I philosophize allot, and find my thinking too much means I'm rarely satisfied.

I am not trying to say anything about intelligence here, as I could spend a while trying to define intelligence. The fact that I think deeply about things doesn't make me 'clever'. It can result in some ridiculous and bizarre outcomes, that really don't seem intelligent at all. But they can be pretty creative.

I had a plan for what I wanted to Blog about, it was writing itself this morning/afternoon. As time went by the writing in my head had morphed so much that it almost seemed futile to write it. I find this happens allot when I try to produce Art, I think to much about its purpose and meaning, I get lost in it, in a way.

I'm going to venture back anyway, and work out what my thoughts actually are...

I don't like to whinge, I sometimes notice myself doing it and stop, or maybe do it in jest. So I'm trying really hard not to whinge right now, and say purely what I've been thinking today.

I showed my work today, a final checkup before presentations. I asked a question before Christmas. Which was weather I could bump up my Art grade if i worked really hard over the holiday, the answer was that it was extremely unlikely. Which annoyed my allot at the time, It could be quite a work deterrent. Sort of as if i wouldn't be recognized no matter how much I did. I continued to work as normal regardless. Got a fair bit more work done, asked the same question, with one week left to spare. Again the answer was that it was unlikely. With a month since the first time I asked. There was nothing I could do.

Now I feel as if I should just abandon all the Art as it is, and just work on my 3D.

I know its not all about grades. But, the project has been about development, research and learning. It was made clear at the start that it wasn't just about having a good final piece. I know how irritated I will get on Monday when my grade remains the same, when maybe someone who has good work, but in my opinion hasn't really developed or improved allot in the last term gets a better grade. But it's not my opinion that matters, and I don't know everything about my other classmates work, so I can't really judge.

I don't think everyone will ever be satisfied when grades are given for artistic works.

This lead me to thinking about myself a bit more, trying not to concern myself with other peoples work, that's unimportant, its my work that matters to me at the moment.

So personally, I am trying to discover the flaws in my work, that mean I cant get a better grade. My first conclusion was that maybe its about natural talent. No matter how hard I try, I may never be able to get the best grade because I'm just 'not good enough' . But as we know, perseverance and hard work will bring results to anyone. So maybe it is just my current standard of work. But if the focus of the project was research and development, and I did those things. Unless I didn't do enough, but that would mean a month of hard work could bring a possibility of more recognition.

I'm not too sure what I'm trying to get at, or why I'm blogging about it either...

It's to do with creativity though. I think maybe being recognized is a part of that. Working hard on pages of work, to have them flicked past can be quite down heartening. I guess with some things, that feeling of doing well can keep you going. A slippery slope of creativity, because you know it is working.

This isn't really about grades now, its about the person who is looking at and judging my work believes that I cant do better. Even if I do, they will not recognize me for it. Maybe that makes me lose creativity points for needing the approval of someone else to keep it going. But, I guess in the industry, our work will be solely about achieving approval.

I have no intentions of being rude or nasty with what i have said. Its is more of a personal thing, than a problem i have with other people.

There is a high possibility i will read this later and write another Blog with a completely different opinion. But I'm going to post it now before my mind starts to change.